So here is the deal. I am not foolish enough to think that people who would like to find out who this semi-anonymous blog belongs to could not. I write openly elsewhere. I don't want that to happen here. Why? With my oldest, I have no fear that he will ever find my writings since he cannot and likely will not ever read. If any caregiver finds our blog, everything I have presented there will help in them in understanding my son and his unique issues. I don't feel like I am betraying him, I feel like I am educating.
My daughter is a different story. I don't feel like her story is my story to openly share. She could come across her story very easily if I had shared openly with names and locations. I don't feel like I can do that. I also don't want the social stigma placed upon her that could follow. I am not so worried about the stigma of the diagnoses that she will likely carry, but the stigma of people openly discussing her and her behaviors.
If that sounds like a contradiction in ethics I am sorry. It is what it is.
My story is a mixture. I have no problem sharing my history with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I want people to understand what it is like. The anxiety along with the thoughts of harm is something that I keep close to my chest. I don't know why. I think for me it is much more taboo. Over the last couple years I have found myself telling people, but I have to have a rapport and a relationship with them or there has to be a really good reason. There are still very few people who know about this issue in my real life.
I think I am at a point in my life that is pretty easy sailing as far as the anxiety goes. Now, I am well aware that could change at any moment. I am learning how to cope and I am reading about others who suffer from similar issues and how things work for them in order to understand my own issues more fully. It is helpful.
As I said last week, reading Lori's blog concerning the aftermath of her husband's suicide has effected me more than any thing else. It is raw and it is real and it is painful. It is an eye opener and I am certain that as her story continues and as she learns to live and cope with the "after" as she calls it, she will have more interesting and healing revelations. I look forward to being on this journey with her in such a small, small way. I am forever thankful she is continuing to share. It is important work. She may not know how much she has touched others.
That's why. If you have landed here and wish to share this little place with your world, that would be welcomed. I know that so many others may have these same issues and simply knowing you are not alone makes the world less lonely, less harsh, and less shameful. Thank you for joining in this journey with me.