Thursday, October 4, 2012

where to begin

Not sure where to begin.  This blog has been neglected since April.  I have not felt the need to write here of vomit my drama onto these pages at all.  My life has seemingly changed and I and thankful for a respite from the drama.  

Changes.  Good changes.  The biggest change was our diet.  As mentioned in the previous post our family began to eat a far better diet, one that significantly reduces processed foods.  That immediately made a difference in my mental health.  The "brain fog" left.  I was thinking more clearly, feeling more energetic and I was much less agitated.  It took loads of getting used to and was a lot of work.  We have fallen into a pattern and routine now and things are a bit easier.  I still "cheat".  When I do, there is a marked difference in my attitude and my mental state.  I am more more irritable and much more grouchy!  I am on edge and I don't like it.  It This new way of eating has changed the climate in my home because we are all a bit less grumpy.  The husband has lost 45+ pounds and feels great.  I have lost 20+ pounds.  The daughter's moods tend to swing less and my son sleeps much better.  It has been a positive change. 

The other change I made was to make CERTAIN that I was taking my medication daily.  I have always been horrible about taking my pills nightly.  I miss a dose, take them in the morning, or skip them all together.  It was never consistent.  When I was on birth control, we used to have to set 2 alarms to remind me to take them.  It is ridiculous.  I have been diligent about taking my meds every night at the same time and it has made a difference.  My body is receiving a consistent dose and I am happy with the outcome.

I have taken 2 classes to become certified in Reiki.  Reiki deal with energy work.  It allows the practitioner to call upon their higher being (in my case God) to provide healing energy to flow through them ( and typically their hands) to others people or things.  You call upon that energy to work for the greatest good..  It is not about me, it is about my God using his energy as he wished through me. It has given me a peace and a sense of oneness with myself and God.  The principals of Reiki resonate deeply within me and I use them everyday to remind myself to stay in the present and set aside my troubles.  They are :

Just for Today, Let Go of Anger.
Just for Today, Let Go of Worry
Just for Today, Do your work honestly.
Just for Today, Be Kind to all Living things.
Just for Today, Give Thanks for your many Blessings.

If you ask me to look at behaviors in my home I may tell you that not much has changed.  We still have anger, defiance and trauma.  It is how I am choosing to deal with it that has changed.  I am working fiercly to give my children some skills in deciding for themselves how to respond to their anger, their frustration and their sadness too so they can begin their journey a whole lot sooner than I did.  We will get there together. 

I am not saying that depression and suicidal thoughts have no place in my world any longer.  They do tend to rear their ugly heads every now and again.  I am trying to create a tool box that has lots of options inside that I can slay those thoughts with.  I am trying live in the present and embrace my future, whatever it may hold. 

I don't have all the answers, but I am welcoming the questions.