Thursday, February 23, 2012

Going to poke the troll

Anonymous. Why do you read here? Why do you continue to believe you know me and what I do? How do you know I am not "getting help"?

A few answers for you even though I know I should let it go. I do blame myself. Just because the doctor reassured me does not mean that I don't understand my kids got this from me. I am not stupid. I am also not going to say that they will not overcome this, if they do not, I will likely blame myself forever. I never said it was an "accident of fate", ever. You're a fool.

ONCE AND FOR ALL, my home is not toxic. You have no F&*%ing idea what you are talking about. You don't know me or my home. You only know what I choose willingly to put out there. Until you have met me, my husbnad, my kids and stepped foot in my home you have no knowledge of my life first hand. You can tell me what your best friend, cousin or random people in literature went though, it has no bearing on my life. You are not me and I do not know you.

My husband will NOT leave me. You have no idea what our circumstances are. You have no idea what our dynamics are and you have no idea the talks we have had on commitment. Yes, he takes my shit. And I take his. It is a marriage, we are in it for the long haul.

The last post was neither good or triumphant. If you notice even when I struggle, most of the time I mention that "life is good". It, along with "It is what it is" are my mantra to myself. You know, something I learned getting that non-existent help.

I don't need your pity. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry that you feel this way towards others. I pity you that you cannot tolerate and love others regardless of their struggles. Don't feel sorry for my kids, they are loved, cared for and adored. They will grow up with compassion for others, something that apparently you were not taught in Edmonton.

You suck.

Go away troll, bother someone else.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


Last week I took my kids to the doctor. My 9yo son was having some pain in his chest and he suffers from asthma. I took my daughter as well since she had been struggling with a urinary infection. I had been treating her with cranberry pills and it was getting better but I thought since we were going anyway I would take her along.

The pediatrician is a man I had never seen. We usually see his nurse practitioner who we love. This man was a bit intimidating, but kind. I warmed up to him very soon. He was amazing with my kids and very slow and precise. He did some chest and stomach xrays. He determined that they both have an issue with dairy. He encouraged me to read about today's dairy products and what milk is doing to our bodies. It is interesting.

He also addressed some of their mental health issues. He thinks most of the things can be lessened with a good, sound nutritional diet. He believes my son also struggles with OCD. He gave him a couple different papers to fill out. It asked lots of questions about how he felt and what he thought about particular issues within himself. My son did wonderfully filling it out. The doctor had no idea that I or my daughter was diagnosed with OCD. After looking over the forms and speaking with my son, the doctor said, "Are you familiar with OCD?" I was flabbergasted. He said, "I believe your son shows signs of OCD and anxiety".

I started to tear up. I explained that both my daughter and I are medicated for OCD and it runs in our family. I told him I had a lot of guilt for "giving" this illness to my daughter already. And now? My son. He looked me in the eye and said, "This is not your fault. If you had told me you had OCD before getting pregnant, as a doctor, I would have NEVER told you not to get pregnant. Children are a gift." I was astonished! It was as if this doctor was giving anonymous the finger! Swear to goodness, there was no way this doctor would have any idea that I had been told that I should have fixed this before having kids. It was a very important moment for me.

He encouraged me that we could make a difference in some of our kid's issues with a better diet. The mental health issues could significantly decrease with a plant based diet. We are currently looking into a couple options with books by Dr. Joel Fuhrman and his "Eat to Live" book and Alicia Silverstone's "The Kind Diet". We are officially off dairy and more changes are to come. My kids are worth it.

I spent a weekend with a wonderful woman who not only has raised a child from trauma like my older adopted son, but also struggles with her own version of mental illness. It was nice being able to say anything to her and be understood. It was nice to have our kids play together. It was amazing as always to hug her neck and know that she gets it. Sitting in the restaurant with her and her husband and our kids was a topper to a perfect weekend. My husband got to stay at home alone and have some much needed peaceful time. By Sunday evening he admitted that he missed our "noise" and was happy to have us home. Life is good . . .