Last week I took my kids to the doctor. My 9yo son was having some pain in his chest and he suffers from asthma. I took my daughter as well since she had been struggling with a urinary infection. I had been treating her with cranberry pills and it was getting better but I thought since we were going anyway I would take her along.
The pediatrician is a man I had never seen. We usually see his nurse practitioner who we love. This man was a bit intimidating, but kind. I warmed up to him very soon. He was amazing with my kids and very slow and precise. He did some chest and stomach xrays. He determined that they both have an issue with dairy. He encouraged me to read about today's dairy products and what milk is doing to our bodies. It is interesting.
He also addressed some of their mental health issues. He thinks most of the things can be lessened with a good, sound nutritional diet. He believes my son also struggles with OCD. He gave him a couple different papers to fill out. It asked lots of questions about how he felt and what he thought about particular issues within himself. My son did wonderfully filling it out. The doctor had no idea that I or my daughter was diagnosed with OCD. After looking over the forms and speaking with my son, the doctor said, "Are you familiar with OCD?" I was flabbergasted. He said, "I believe your son shows signs of OCD and anxiety".
I started to tear up. I explained that both my daughter and I are medicated for OCD and it runs in our family. I told him I had a lot of guilt for "giving" this illness to my daughter already. And now? My son. He looked me in the eye and said, "This is not your fault. If you had told me you had OCD before getting pregnant, as a doctor, I would have NEVER told you not to get pregnant. Children are a gift." I was astonished! It was as if this doctor was giving anonymous the finger! Swear to goodness, there was no way this doctor would have any idea that I had been told that I should have fixed this before having kids. It was a very important moment for me.
He encouraged me that we could make a difference in some of our kid's issues with a better diet. The mental health issues could significantly decrease with a plant based diet. We are currently looking into a couple options with books by Dr. Joel Fuhrman and his "Eat to Live" book and Alicia Silverstone's "The Kind Diet". We are officially off dairy and more changes are to come. My kids are worth it.
I spent a weekend with a wonderful woman who not only has raised a child from trauma like my older adopted son, but also struggles with her own version of mental illness. It was nice being able to say anything to her and be understood. It was nice to have our kids play together. It was amazing as always to hug her neck and know that she gets it. Sitting in the restaurant with her and her husband and our kids was a topper to a perfect weekend. My husband got to stay at home alone and have some much needed peaceful time. By Sunday evening he admitted that he missed our "noise" and was happy to have us home. Life is good . . .
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YOU are so funny. Giving anonymous the finger.
ReplyDeleteThat is for sure.
Good luck with the non dairy.
Thanks for being you....
Love ya!
SO good!
ReplyDeleteI know you want to be absolved of any parental guilt. I get it. And you feel vindicated because ONE health professional (who was meeting you for the first time) said it wasn't your fault. You will also find TONS of support from others that are in the same position as you - they need to believe that they are not at fault either.
ReplyDeleteDoctors can not tell someone that they should not have children because there is a genetic predisposition to mental illness - could you imagine the lawsuits?!?!? And your doctor may be in the same boat, maybe his wife has a mental illness - so he too NEEDS to believe that there is no connection.
But the literature would indicate otherwise. There are several 'links' to mental illness, but two of the main contributors are genetics and environment. And your house is the perfect breeding ground for both of these factors (Cue opposing comments NOW!).
Just because ONE health care professional did not want you to blame yourself does not mean that 10 other health professionals, if they were allowed to be honest, would support his claim.
The link between genetics and mental illness is absolute. You increased the child's risk of mental illness simply by having her/him. And the enviroment (both you and your mentally ill daughter create) could have been learned by your son.
BTW- I told you that your next post would be a 'good' or triumphant one - and looky here, it is. I believe that should lend credibility to my assessment of you.
I believe that your mental illness has a genetic predisposition which you passed on to your children. I do not believe that your environment is unaffected by your own mental state, despite what you post on here. This post does nothing to change my opinion - I think you are ill, and need help. I think your children might be worse off that you are, and I think your husband may eventually leave you because he just can't deal with your shit anymore.
I believe that you know that even with all the help in the world, you will never 'conquer' this mental illness, which is why you won't commit to an intensive program (also, you feel that the episodes are intermittant - so acute help is not needed).
I pity you. I think you are a good person, with good intentions, and at the heart of you soul you KNOW you contributed to your daughter's mental illness (and perhaps your son's), but you NEED to believe, or at least have others believe, that it is all just an accident of fate. (Again, do the research.)
And yes, children are a gift - but at what cost to them? It seems like your daughter has a hard time functioning sometimes - a really hard time. But I guess that doesn't matter, right? Because you wanted children, so what ever price she needs to pay.... Well....
It is not a guarantee that someone that is mentally ill will have a mentally ill child - but the reality is that statistically you have greatly increased their odds.
But go ahead and tell yourself that it isn't your fault. I can understand how it would be too much to cope with when you look at the stats...
I know you need to feel like you did not play a role. And that ONE health professional represents everyone's opinions.
I honestly feel very, very sorry for you, and even sorrier for your children.
Yay! There are so many other benefits to a plant-based diet.I hope the changes he proposes will be seen in great measure.Don't ever feel guilty!
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