I have lowered my expectations of obedience from the oldest years ago. I knew he would likely never be obedient. I know with the combination of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, moderate mentally handicapped and schizophrenia that we were going to have to have constant supervision. Why? He has the ability to harm himself or others by making foolish and impulsive choices. His mind is so consumed with what is happening and what he could be doing that is really doesn't leave much room for obedience.
What I am struggling with currently is that he really has no desire to please anyone. He does not WANT to do the right thing. As soon as he thinks your head is turned or you are emersed in something else he does something that is in direct opposition to obedience. It is foolish little things like blowing his nose in his hand when the tissues are right next to him or calling the dog when he knows he is not supposed to have him on his lap. He chooses to reach out his foot and purposefully trip his siblings right in front of us or blatantly lie about doing something we just saw with our own eyes. It becomes tiring. Tonight I told him to put down a pillow he was trying to hit the cat with and he looked directly into my eyes and tried to hit the cat with it as hard as he could all the while glaring at me. When I got up and went over to him he said, "What? I didn't do anything wrong."
He used to have some sort of willingness to WANT to do the right thing, but no longer. I hope this is a teenager/hormonal thing. It seems like it could be bordering on sociopathic to me and that scares me. I think the one thing that is holding him back is that he is able to show compassion and empathy and he truly likes to help, but this desire to please is lacking. I am hoping that it continues to be limited to us parents, and does not spread out into other aspects of his life.