Let me explain something to you anonymous. I am very, very adept at hold things in. The entire time that I was having my own personal meltdown, my kids were completely oblivious. My daughter was napping, my younger son was playing his handheld game and my other son was watching television. I did not cry in front of them, I never raised my voice and I even made them dinner and finished some laundry. I hold EVERYTHING inside which is probably the problem.
While I am well aware that I put my shit out here for everyone to read and that opens me up for anonymous commenters to read my drivel and make their own observations. But you don't know me or my ability to parent my kids. You have no idea what happens in my home beyond what you assume from reading here.
Thanks for your kind words. I do understand where you are coming from, but I do not create or live in a toxic environment. I am an expert in making things appear perfect even when they are far from it. I learned it from my mother.
I am trying to be completely honest in this forum because it helps to get it out there. It helps to say what I cannot to anyone else in the world. (well, I can to one darling friend) It helps to say it instead of act on it. It is not for attention, it is so I can see where I have been and PERHAPS help someone else think they are not alone in feeling some of the same things.