Monday, January 23, 2012

in a bad place

I am in a bad place. I am in pain most of the time. I saw the new surgeon since my last post and he said that the bone fragment is not causing much issue. The issue is with a torn tendon that runs along the inside of my right ankle. It is damaged and very inflamed. Each step causes pain. I am back in a boot and an orthotic is being made. It is likely I will have to have tendon repair surgery in the near future. The constant pain wears on me.

I am also struggling emotionally. I am fretting over every little thing. I am not sure if it is a product of the pain, but I know it is not good. That old feeling of dread is creeping into everything I do or think. I find myself gritting my teeth or with my shoulders raised in stress multiple times a day for no real reason. It is all consuming.

I am critical and judgmental of both myself and others. I hate being in this place. I hate being this person. I wish I felt better physically, I know that would help. I feel trapped and I need to escape.


  1. No words of wisdom darling. Just lots and lots of love. I hear you, from my own bad place...and wish like nothing else we lived closer. Damn do I ever wish we were closer. Days like today...and yesterday...and every day...I think about 'what if...'

    I love you more than you could ever know. I'm so sorry you are still in pain and still fighting to heal.

    You are an awesome mommma. And you are an even more awesome...friend!! (((((HUGS and LOVE)))))

  2. Praying you into a good place again.Chronic pain is no laughing matter.