Friday, April 30, 2010


I think I have figured something out. You see, I work closely with my mom. She is my boss. We have a good relationship, but it was not always so. She is OCD and it wasn't until I was diagnosed that she even realized she was too. She says she is "too old for medication". I laugh at that. She thinks she is too old to change her ways now. Secretly I think she likes her ways, and the thought of changing them gives her the creeps. I see now that our difficulties when I was growing up was due to the OCD combination between us.

Don't get me wrong, we didn't have that bad of a relationship as a youth. We just butted heads . . . a lot. I see things as a whole, so toothpaste in the sink and a few hairs in the sink don't bother me. I worry about the toilet lid down, the shower curtain closed and the light off. I see it as a whole as I am walking out. She frets over the tiny stuff. It CANNOT be left alone. It MUST be done. This kind of stuff drove her nuts when I lived at home.

Our working relationship has always been strained. She is the head honcho. I am basically her assistant. She frets that other will think she is favoring me so she overcompensates the other way. I get the brunt of all her frustration. I don't get any tact. She treats me like a daughter and not an employee. I suppose that is par for the course. I have accepted that and moved on. We do well together. Work gets done and things run very smoothly. I make up for the fact that she is a crock-pot and has to mull things over since I am definitely more of a microwave!

The change from a mother-daughter relationship to a friendship came with the birth of my children. I saw a whole other side of her and I think she gained more respect for me as well. I tease her that if she irritates me I will keep the grandbabies from her!

For the most part this works for us. It is the darker times that I have issues with her and she with me. This week is extremely stressful at work. She is overworked and relies on me heavily this week. Today she did something that I saw in a different light.

I was working on a project that had nothing to do with this week, but needed to be done. She called from her office and asked what I was doing. I answered. She said, "Do you have to do that now." I answered affirmatively and told her that a particular person needed it. She made a noise. It was a noise I recognized as not only curiosity but one of unbelievability. My hackles instantly raised. I knew what was coming. She questioned me again. I asked her if there was a problem. She said she wasn't sure if I was doing something necessary or not. This is typical as she thinks I sit around with my finger up my nose and thinks everyone assumes I get paid because I am her daughter and I do nothing.

Honestly it pissed me off. It nearly sent me over to the other side of the fence. I am a grown woman, with children. I have worked here for 2 decades and do a fine damn job. My reviews are always top notch and I am efficient and productive. Here she was questioning what I was doing as if I was a four year old hiding and eating cookies before dinner.

I began to see how my mom's issues and my issues combine and send me reeling. I began to think about adopted siblings and how their issues can trigger the others. I cannot help but wonder if this last episode was brought on not only by this week, but her and I's issues I knew would be coming, as well as the full moon. Yikes. The trifecta of ickiness!

Do you think I am sorting through these things differently since I am putting them on paper so to speak? If so this is wonderful therapy!


  1. My Mom and our interactions had a profound effect on me, but I didn't start writing until after her death. How great that you get to explore it with her still able to journey with you!

  2. Ooof. Soooo many of my triggers come from working with my mother (though with neither of us in a supervisory role except me sometimes, ha ha!) and yet it's not something I feel comfortable writing about. But yes, when she comes over at work and flips the tag back down into my shirt collar, I flip out (mentally, whether she recognizes or not) and I know I'm not being reasonable but there's just too much tangled up. You've given me a lot to think about!