I think I have figured something out. You see, I work closely with my mom. She is my boss. We have a good relationship, but it was not always so. She is OCD and it wasn't until I was diagnosed that she even realized she was too. She says she is "too old for medication". I laugh at that. She thinks she is too old to change her ways now. Secretly I think she likes her ways, and the thought of changing them gives her the creeps. I see now that our difficulties when I was growing up was due to the OCD combination between us.
Don't get me wrong, we didn't have that bad of a relationship as a youth. We just butted heads . . . a lot. I see things as a whole, so toothpaste in the sink and a few hairs in the sink don't bother me. I worry about the toilet lid down, the shower curtain closed and the light off. I see it as a whole as I am walking out. She frets over the tiny stuff. It CANNOT be left alone. It MUST be done. This kind of stuff drove her nuts when I lived at home.
Our working relationship has always been strained. She is the head honcho. I am basically her assistant. She frets that other will think she is favoring me so she overcompensates the other way. I get the brunt of all her frustration. I don't get any tact. She treats me like a daughter and not an employee. I suppose that is par for the course. I have accepted that and moved on. We do well together. Work gets done and things run very smoothly. I make up for the fact that she is a crock-pot and has to mull things over since I am definitely more of a microwave!
The change from a mother-daughter relationship to a friendship came with the birth of my children. I saw a whole other side of her and I think she gained more respect for me as well. I tease her that if she irritates me I will keep the grandbabies from her!
For the most part this works for us. It is the darker times that I have issues with her and she with me. This week is extremely stressful at work. She is overworked and relies on me heavily this week. Today she did something that I saw in a different light.
I was working on a project that had nothing to do with this week, but needed to be done. She called from her office and asked what I was doing. I answered. She said, "Do you have to do that now." I answered affirmatively and told her that a particular person needed it. She made a noise. It was a noise I recognized as not only curiosity but one of unbelievability. My hackles instantly raised. I knew what was coming. She questioned me again. I asked her if there was a problem. She said she wasn't sure if I was doing something necessary or not. This is typical as she thinks I sit around with my finger up my nose and thinks everyone assumes I get paid because I am her daughter and I do nothing.
Honestly it pissed me off. It nearly sent me over to the other side of the fence. I am a grown woman, with children. I have worked here for 2 decades and do a fine damn job. My reviews are always top notch and I am efficient and productive. Here she was questioning what I was doing as if I was a four year old hiding and eating cookies before dinner.
I began to see how my mom's issues and my issues combine and send me reeling. I began to think about adopted siblings and how their issues can trigger the others. I cannot help but wonder if this last episode was brought on not only by this week, but her and I's issues I knew would be coming, as well as the full moon. Yikes. The trifecta of ickiness!
Do you think I am sorting through these things differently since I am putting them on paper so to speak? If so this is wonderful therapy!