What is it about being the parent's of special needs kiddos? I think we have so many different challenges that people who are not in our shoes could not possibly understand. I know so many families have talked about the divorce rate with families such as ours, but I was thinking about it differently the other night when I could not sleep.
My hubby and I are pretty stinking close. We rarely go and do things without our kids (although we probably should more often) because the logistics of finding others to take care of the kids and all their various issues is far too great a task. We also enjoy one another and our kids! I think in our case, we have bounded over the special needs in our household. We have spent so much time relying solely on each other for support and "real life" encouragement that it is difficult to see someone else playing that role in one of our lives.
For so long, we have felt so alone and like no one understands what our life is like that we have battened down the hatches and circled the wagons. We have relied on each other to make one another laugh, held each other (me) while we cried, and stopped one another from going off the deep end. We are the only ones who truly sees what our home is like and what our kids deal with every day. The drama of having a traumatized kid in the house is great. In our home is one of the only places he feels comfortable enough to let loose. We are almost always his target. We are the only ones who could understand that.
Enter in another family who understands, not because they have seen it in our home, but in their own. This family has an inkling of knowing what we deal with. Even if their struggles are different they have been where we have been, they have walked a similar road. They understand the heartache, the drama, and the exhaustion.
But the problem is that we have relied on one another for so long, it is difficult to let someone else carry a part, even if it is a small part, of that burden. I have noticed that my hubby is more leery of allowing someone else to be that go-to person for my drama. He is feeling as though I no longer need that portion of him and that makes him feel a bit slighted. I had no idea he felt that way. I had thought that he would enjoy me being able to load that onto someone else. I thought the "respite" would be a welcome thing. After taking it over he understands and sees it differently now. He is understanding that seeking perspective from someone else does not mean that I don't need him, it is simply releasing some of that burden off him.
I am very blessed that he shares things with me instead of keeping it all bottled up. We are very different when it comes to how we perceive things and lately we have come to a good understanding of how one another thinks so very differently and have begun asking questions instead of making assumptions. That is a good thing! Our marriage is by far perfect. We will always have misunderstandings and confusion, but as long as we are willing to discuss them we will make it through . . special needs be damned!