How can one go from having a great time to feeling like a failure in one day? Today I have had the perfect storm . . .
My child was horrid last night. He was up about 40 times from about 3:00am to the time we gets up at 7:45 am. No lie. We have an alarm system on his door so every time he came out ofhis room the alarm blew right in my ear. First it was that he needed a drink. Then he had to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes (which is his new lie of choice to not follow directions). Then he was hungry, then it was time for his bus (it was still dark out). I think he just wanted to reak havoc on the house. I got next to no sleep from 3:00 am on.
My husband is sick. He has some sort of viral infection that he cannot shake. He has been doing a bit better, but last night was rough! He was vomiting and moaning most of the early morning. I am certain the stress of my child constantly coming out of his room was adding to it. I am fairly certain that my daughter and I have the same virus, but it has hit him harder than us. I have not had ONE day in 4 weeks where I was not doubled over with stomach pain for a portion of my day. It sucks. Eating is not fun, and I love to eat!
I am just plain tired of hobbling around on my hurt leg. It is heavy and painful and I am just done.
My mom is in a MOOD today. She is grouchy because we are short staffed at work and everything seems to be my fault today. When she is like this it is a MAJOR trigger for me. She was unhappy with the way we dealt with some of my son's behaviors yesterday at a cookout and now I am on her shit list. She is being very short with me and that triggers me big time. I am a pleaser and I don't like making people mad (unless they deserve it LOL). I hate myself when she is mad at me. I feel useless and unimportant. I know I give her too much power, but we have always had a tenuous relationships until several years ago. Each time she does this it reminds me of how it was like before.
My van is broken and I have no idea what is wrong. I stress abuot money and this is going to be a major inconvenience. Holy crap, I cannot even think about it.
So I am on the verge of tears today. My stomach hurts and I want to crawl in a hole and die. I have not felt like this in some time. I had been doing so well. I am certain it will pass, but the uncertainty and the stress is making me crazy. I want to take some time and nap tonight. I rarely do that, but I feel like I really need it before I crack. The problem is with him being sick and a busy weekend that passed my house is a wreck and I have so much laundry to do.
Whine, whine, whine.