Thursday, March 8, 2012


Last weekend at the ETAAM retreat I participated in for mamas parenting kids with trauma and attachment issues I was changed.

I sat with women who have raised kids through adoption who have had a really tough start in life. I comiserated with mamas who want nothing more than for their kids to feel whole and loved and they realize that may never happen. I cried with mamas who recounted their kid's horrific pasts and terrible abuse they suffered. I loved on mamas who have had to disrupt the adoption because they could no longer keep their child or their other children safe. I listened to mamas who have a bit of their heart broken each and every time their child looks at them with hatred and pain. I learned more than I thought I ever could about our kids, our situations, our healing and mostly about me.

I have known for awhile now that this community gives me the opportunity to say I AM NOT ALONE. I felt that love and that immediate camaraderie this past weekend. I finally felt NOT ALONE on this journey.

I also learned that I AM ENOUGH. The self loathing from the fact that I cannot fix my broken child ebbed a little bit. I am the mother chosen to pick up his broken pieces. I may never be able to fit them back together, but I will hold them for him. I started on this path to learn how to cope with my adopted child and in the process it oozed over to not only myself, but also my other children. I AM ENOUGH.

Much has been offered here lately about my own suicidal thoughts and poor self image. My dear anonymous commenter from Edmonton has triggered me more than I thought possible by telling me that I am basically an unfit mother and I should've fixed myself before having kids. Ya know what? I AM ENOUGH. My children are loved and adored. They may not be perfect and I may have contributed to their struggles, but I AM ENOUGH. I love them unconditionally and we will get through this together. I was given a beautiful gift in all three of my children and I refuse to let anonymous or anyone else tell me that they should not exist because I am broken. I fully believe they were put on this Earth for a purpose and for that I am grateful.

We will get through this together. I will pull my therapeutic panties us and we will be stronger. I will be the best woman, the best mother and the best friend that I can be. I may not be perfect, but I AM ENOUGH. Through the struggles, the pain and the anxiety I will need to hold to this mantra for life is hard. Mental illness is hard. Trauma and Attachment is hard. But, we will survive.



  1. You have always been enough,sweetie. Now you know it!

  2. I am sorry I triggered you. Does it make you feel better to keep pointing out where I am from? Or is it an attempt at bullying? Do you feel like a 'big girl' for finding what city I live in?

    I think it is also in very poor taste to blame an entire city for one person's words/opinions. Will your next post again reference me? Why give someone so much power? Why not just let it go? Because what I said resonates with you?

    I wasn't going to comment - I felt like I had made my point: that you were a nice person, but I think you need more involved, long term help (I never once said that you were not getting any help - you just jumped to that conclusion somehow). I honestly do hope you find love and healing.

    You are not going to feel better by being a bully or a bitch. Look for the truth in what was said, and move on. If you post publically, anyone can respond. You will get some positives, and some negatives, and some people that are trying to understand other's points of view.

    You can't sweat what people say. And retaliating is immature. Is this what you want to teach your children? Has it helped you to 'fire back'? I bet you feel a bit vindicated, and if that's what you needed, then cool.

    Again, I think you are a nice person. I wish you luck. I do feel sorry for your kids, and I know you think they are fine, but I disagree. You can argue that I don't know you etc. That is fine.

    Good luck. I hope your path finds healing and rest.

    I do feel sorry for your children. I tried to understand from your point of view. I just feel bad that your kids will struggle as a result of your choices.

    1. Give it a rest for the love of all that's holy.

      U say her posts are bullying.. wtf do u think you are doing?