Monday, January 4, 2010


Okay, I suppose since this is partially for me to chronicle my emotions I should sya that "it" is starting. I am becoming much more dept at recognizing it. I am becoming depressed. Yesterday all those feelings of unworthiness came flooding to the surface. I have no idea what triggered it.

It was an odd day. The kids were off and the husband wasn't feeling well. Maybe my attitude and my emotions contributed to the feeling in the house or maybe it was an all around crappy day. Nothing horrible happened, just and overall feeling of BLAH. Last night I had a really difficult night sleeping and went downstairs several times to find something to occupy my racing thoughts. The kids didn't sleep well either.

I woke this morning determined to turn it around. I pulled myself out of bed and put a smile on my face, whether I liked it or not. I will get through this day in a good mood. I probably didn't hurt that I doubled my dose of anti-depressive either! :) I do tend to self-medicate when I am feeling down. I have tlked about this with my doctor and he said that as long as I am careful and I do not do it longterm it is fully acceptable. Usually it is only for a period of about 5 days or so, if that.

I have actually been listing the good things in my life today. When I start ruminating over something I cannot change I grab a sticky note and write down something positive. Something concrete like "I have heat" "The bills are paid" and "My kids went out the door smiling today". They are spread on my desk. I think this is helping because I am smiling and I am keeping the shitty thoughts at bay!

Any other suggestions?


  1. Pray and Praise girlfriend! It's hard to be sad when praying an praising! :) I go through the alphabet and praise alphabetical attributes, like All Powerful, Beautiful, Counselor. . .etc.

    You might have to break out the sweat band and leg warmers for that one.

    I know it's hard. Hang in there. God gave us emotions, but he did not intend for us to be slaves to them.

  2. Be strong.If even the prophet Elijah went through depression, you know you're in good company.At least you know where you are emotionally, you know it will end..and you're trying to ork on it.Well done, I hope that doesn't sound patronising cos it's not.I'm really glad you're working on it.When I went through 3 years of PND, I didn't think of listing things I'm grateful for etc.I tried to get pro help but didn't have the means...It was hell.Just know that I'm praying for you.

  3. When I'm in a bad mood I try to escape (reading), get out and do things I enjoy with friends (yes, this is very hard!), treat myself (usually food or shopping for bargains at a thrift store), and avoiding things and people that make me feel bad (whenever possible).

    Watch this Youtube video of this amazing man and try to be sad. It's just not possible.

    Mary in TX

  4. You haven't posted in a while. Are you OK? Just wanted to stop by and say "Hi!" ~Kari