Okay, I suppose since this is partially for me to chronicle my emotions I should sya that "it" is starting. I am becoming much more dept at recognizing it. I am becoming depressed. Yesterday all those feelings of unworthiness came flooding to the surface. I have no idea what triggered it.
It was an odd day. The kids were off and the husband wasn't feeling well. Maybe my attitude and my emotions contributed to the feeling in the house or maybe it was an all around crappy day. Nothing horrible happened, just and overall feeling of BLAH. Last night I had a really difficult night sleeping and went downstairs several times to find something to occupy my racing thoughts. The kids didn't sleep well either.
I woke this morning determined to turn it around. I pulled myself out of bed and put a smile on my face, whether I liked it or not. I will get through this day in a good mood. I probably didn't hurt that I doubled my dose of anti-depressive either! :) I do tend to self-medicate when I am feeling down. I have tlked about this with my doctor and he said that as long as I am careful and I do not do it longterm it is fully acceptable. Usually it is only for a period of about 5 days or so, if that.
I have actually been listing the good things in my life today. When I start ruminating over something I cannot change I grab a sticky note and write down something positive. Something concrete like "I have heat" "The bills are paid" and "My kids went out the door smiling today". They are spread on my desk. I think this is helping because I am smiling and I am keeping the shitty thoughts at bay!
Any other suggestions?