The depression is settling in. It feels like it has a grip on my heart. My chest is heavy. I feel like I will never smile again. I want to cry at everything. I drove to get lunch this afternoon and I saw a big hole where they were working on the street. I wondered what it would be like to just drive into that deep hole.
I know I will be fine. I always am. The problem is that each and every time I go through this I feel like I leave a piece of me behind. I feel like I have to give up on something that means something to me just to be what others want from me. I will change what I believe to make sure I am doing it the right way.
Problem is, I feel like things that matter to me are being pushed aside.
I'm not saying I want to be the asshole he thinks I am, I am just saying that I want what I think to be important. I want to feel loved and cherished, but I am wondering if there is something broken in me that I can't feel it even if it is there.
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"I want what I think to be important. I want to feel loved and cherished"
ReplyDeleteThat is all any of us want. We are all broken in some way. You are an awesome person and definitely not alone.
Hang in there hon! Sometimes there are days where we really ARE having a hard time, regardless if there is someone out there having a more difficult time. I hope you are able to talk things out with your hubby and that he realizes how valuable you are to your family and how much he should treasure what he has. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne
How are you now? Has the hole become deeper or are you in a place of sunshine? Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteBtdt. I have and do believe strongly the that "I leave a peace of me is left behind each time".
ReplyDeletelook fwd to getting to know you more.