I would really like to post this on my other blog, but I think this needs a little more confidentiality, so I decided to put it here. Truth be told, I probably shouldn't blog it at all, but I really need to purge this from my head and I need to use it for reference. So, here goes.
My oldest with FAS has had to be very close to an adult at all times lately due to some issues with leaving our property unsupervised. Last night I used him as a helper at an event at my work. He was FABULOUS. He was very helpful and took direction very well. It was a good 2 hours of work and he was darn near perfect. Tonight my boss asked him to help once again for another event and he dressed up in a costume. He was wonderful except for a few instances of not listening. He earned $25 for his work. He was excited to spend it on a video game tomorrow.
We came home and I asked him to help me with some yard work to earn a few more dollars. He got into an argument with the 2 younger children and took his sister's chalk that she got for Easter and began throwing it on the house next door, breaking it. I distracted him with a job and he did okay. They left with dad to get some dinner to bring home and we kept working. I asked him to go through the house and unlatch the back gate. Normally he does really well with this type of chore and I tell him I am going to count to a certain number and he tries to beat me. This keeps him from dinking around and makes him think only about hurrying instead of getting into something he shouldn't be in.
Tonight I gave him til 15. I usually don't really count until I see him and then I let him "beat me". I was trimming the bushes and was a bit sidetracked. I realized he was taking too long. I turned off the trimmer and heard our bigger dog barking a very odd bark. She rarely barks and when she does it's not very loud. This was a frightened bark. I hollered for the oldest and he did not come. I almost continued working thinking he was simply guzzling milk out of the jug, but something was nagging at me. I turned the trimmer back on and then decided I really should rely on my gut and I tossed it down and hurried into the house. I opened the front door and tripped. What did I trip over? A pair of scissors sticking through the rug and into the linoleum floor. I tripped over them, and they were so stuck they were still standing up. I immediately surveyed the area and saw 3 more pairs of scissors tossed around, the kitchen broom, a large pen, and a jump rope. I knew right away that the oldest was trying to hurt the dogs.
I wanted to blow up and start screaming. I was afraid that if I did I would not be able to stop. My pups are my babies. It is my job to protect them and he was trying to cause them serious harm. I was eerily calm. It had to be God because I have no idea how I stayed so in control. I asked him what he was doing and told him I wanted truth the first answer. He said, "Trying to kill the dogs". Holy Lord. I asked him why and I got about 5 answers from, the typical "I was mad" to "I miss my cat when I was little".
I am really not sure what the reason was, but I truly believed he was trying to kill the dogs. My husband got home and I sent the smaller children away so we could talk to the oldest together. The husband had no idea why I was so calm. He was dumbfounded. I was to! I think it scared the stink out of the oldest, which was a really good thing.
The husband and I talked later and we both find it interesting that as soon as he does something well, that includes a bit of freedom or is a bit more age appropriate he turns around and gives us a whopper of disobedience. I don't understand it. Is it RAD? Is it him bucking the restraints of his supervision because he has a bit of freedom? Is he self-sabotaging? I don't get it.
I am sad. I protect the younger kids from him. I keep him very close, constantly supervised. I don't know what more I can do. Each time I try to give him some slack, it backfires.
By the way, he is spending his earnings on new chalk for his sister and really nice treats for the dogs, NOT a game. Anything left over will go in the bank.
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Sheri,
ReplyDeleteYou must have been so frightened. Do you have a good attachment therapist in your area? One that also understands FASD and adoption issues? (Extremely rare, I know...just thought I'd ask!)
Do you have some help supervising him at home (like our PCA program in MN- I think I remember reading on your other blog that you had qualified for some help)? Families simply can't do this alone when the needs are as severe as your son's are.
I'm glad the pups are OK. ~Kari
Oh friend- it sounds like a nightmare! FASD is one of the risk factors for RAD. I wish I was close enough to hug you and offer you some relief. I remember when MK was doing this stuff- and I remember being scared beyond words. {{{Hugs}}}
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